Today in the store I overheard a woman a few rows over. She said something to the effect of “ugh, your are such a man, I thought I trained you better.”
Does she have any idea how disturbing that statement is?
The sad part is that in a much more discreet way it is often the consensus of women. Somewhere along the journey to finding our voice we often silence our counterparts. Or better yet, we attempt to train them out of their manhood.
We place our hands over their mouths through less obvious maneuvers, in an attempt to being heard.
A friend used to tell me that a man always wants his woman to stay the same while a woman often tries to change her man.
I was thinking about this a couple weeks back while meeting with my pastors wife. She cautioned me to be careful not to try to change my man, because then one day I might look up and wonder where the man I fell in love with went.
“There aren’t many Chucks out there” she said.
I fell in love with my man before we ever started dating. I didn’t know that’s what it was. I just knew that when he wasn’t at a party, something was missing. There wasn’t the spark, the flair, the excitement level even felt lower. He’s a bit of an entertainer, and he’s always had the ability to make me laugh until my stomach aches. He is wise, kind, and considerate. I watched him do life for over a year before the romance came.
The memories of how things started for us is so important for me to remember in those moments where I find myself trying to change the very one I fell in love with. I realized a few weeks back that I, like the lady in the store today was trying to make my man more like me.
Don’t get me wrong, I like me. I enjoy me. But let’s be honest, two me’s, makes a very boring relationship.
I NEED HIM. I need his perspective. I need his moments of entertaining, even when it’s just an audience of one. I need his quest for adventure. I need his protection and wisdom in the midst of my emotional moments. I need him to make me laugh out of my grumpy moments and help me realize how ridiculous they can be.
I was reading a marriage book where the author flat out said, ladies if you are looking for someone like you, get a roommate, not a husband.
When we first started dating, we couldn’t believe how much we had in common, and now we are discovering the ways that we are different. In this, I am choosing to embrace the differences that make us man and woman.
I am choosing to believe that our differences compliment each other, that they bring balance and stability to our relationship and to what we are building together.
Last week, we went to yellowstone. Let me tell you my man LOVES to see wild animals. We saw bison, deer, antelope, and moose wondering through some woods. He jumped out of the car when we saw the moose. I was completely comfortable with my view from the comfy climate controlled car, but he needed a better view. I love this about him.
He once climbed a snow-capped mountain in converse tennis shoes. Now that’s determination!
He brings vision and adventure to my sometimes quite practical view of life!
Don’t get me wrong, I am all for woman having a voice. I believe that we carry a unique piece to completely the picture. In no way am I putting women down. All I am saying is that do we really have to put our men down in order to be lifted up.
And I am blessed. My man proudly hands me the microphone quite often as we travel the world sharing the love of Jesus.
Lord give us grace to appreciate the difference between men and women and to embrace the complimenting differences in how we are wired!
“Humble yourself before the Lord and he will lift you up.”