finding “the one”


Are you looking for “the one?”

Have you found “the one?”

Do you feel like you got married and your spouse perhaps isn’t “the one?”

These are common questions and thoughts in our modern day culture. The thinking behind these thought processes can easily become a dead end road! It makes me eager to learn about biblical (judeo-christian) marriage.

I believe thinking in terms of finding “the one” is dangerous because it can lead to a victim mentality. What I mean is we can think life doesn’t begin until we find “the one.” Even more scary, we can begin to believe that the person we have covenanted ourselves to before our loved ones is not “the one” we were supposed to marry, and that somehow we missed it!

I believe that God made us to be powerful people with free will. Marriage isn’t something you happens to you! It’s something you choose to commit yourself to for better or for worse.

Here’s what I am discovering…

The Jewish wedding customs were more about the celebration of the marriage covenant than finding “the one.” It was more about giving than getting, and that is where our society has gone terribly wrong. Thus, we have often missed the true beauty and ecstasy that is possible within marriage. It’s not that there wasn’t celebration and bliss, it’s that these things were the fruit and reward rather than the goal of a true covenant.

The meaning of the Old Testament word for covenant is bond. It’s used more than 300x’s in the Bible.

When we get all wrapped up in whether we have found “the one,” we stop taking responsibility for our choices. God gives us wisdom, discernment, wise counsel, and His Holy Spirit to lead us into making great choices, but He doesn’t make choices for us. That would be a strange twisted version of control and not love.

The moment you say “I do” is the moment that your spouse becomes your “one.” From that moment forth, you begin the journey of being bonded to one another. Did you know that couples actually exchange DNA when they consummate their marriage? We are literally becoming one with our spouse when we make love. That’s why sex is designed to be enjoyed within the marriage covenant. Science actually backs up Jesus’ teaching on becoming one flesh!

6“But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’a 7‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,b 8and the two will become one flesh.’c So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”


Mark 10:6-9

Intimacy within the covenant of marriage is what makes us “one” with our spouse, not marrying the one person created to marry you.

So whether you are wearing a ring or waiting on a ring, I bless you today. If you are single, I bless you with wisdom, grace, and honor in your journey towards choosing your one. If you are married, I bless you with wisdom, grace, and honor to love your one with passion and steadfastness.

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