finding “the one”


Are you looking for “the one?”

Have you found “the one?”

Do you feel like you got married and your spouse perhaps isn’t “the one?”

These are common questions and thoughts in our modern day culture. The thinking behind these thought processes can easily become a dead end road! It makes me eager to learn about biblical (judeo-christian) marriage.

I believe thinking in terms of finding “the one” is dangerous because it can lead to a victim mentality. What I mean is we can think life doesn’t begin until we find “the one.” Even more scary, we can begin to believe that the person we have covenanted ourselves to before our loved ones is not “the one” we were supposed to marry, and that somehow we missed it!

I believe that God made us to be powerful people with free will. Marriage isn’t something you happens to you! It’s something you choose to commit yourself to for better or for worse.

Here’s what I am discovering…

The Jewish wedding customs were more about the celebration of the marriage covenant than finding “the one.” It was more about giving than getting, and that is where our society has gone terribly wrong. Thus, we have often missed the true beauty and ecstasy that is possible within marriage. It’s not that there wasn’t celebration and bliss, it’s that these things were the fruit and reward rather than the goal of a true covenant.

The meaning of the Old Testament word for covenant is bond. It’s used more than 300x’s in the Bible.

When we get all wrapped up in whether we have found “the one,” we stop taking responsibility for our choices. God gives us wisdom, discernment, wise counsel, and His Holy Spirit to lead us into making great choices, but He doesn’t make choices for us. That would be a strange twisted version of control and not love.

The moment you say “I do” is the moment that your spouse becomes your “one.” From that moment forth, you begin the journey of being bonded to one another. Did you know that couples actually exchange DNA when they consummate their marriage? We are literally becoming one with our spouse when we make love. That’s why sex is designed to be enjoyed within the marriage covenant. Science actually backs up Jesus’ teaching on becoming one flesh!

6“But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’a 7‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,b 8and the two will become one flesh.’c So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”


Mark 10:6-9

Intimacy within the covenant of marriage is what makes us “one” with our spouse, not marrying the one person created to marry you.

So whether you are wearing a ring or waiting on a ring, I bless you today. If you are single, I bless you with wisdom, grace, and honor in your journey towards choosing your one. If you are married, I bless you with wisdom, grace, and honor to love your one with passion and steadfastness.

The truth about marriage.

Now that I have a whole 2 months of marital experience under my belt, I think it’s high time for a marriage post.

The truth is that I just think some of the rambings in my head may be good to get out, and possibly they may have the weight of freedom on them in some way or other.

As I think about marriage this morning, this verses come to mind.

“When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.”

Isaiah 43:2

I know not your typical marriage verse, and I could use a dozen others.  But today the things that comes to my mind in the topic of overcoming.  Perhaps all of life and even christianity is about this.

I like talking to other newly married couples, because you realize that all of us have things to overcome, especially when combining two lives that functioned quite smoothly alone.  I am thankful beyond measure, because I am married to the humblest, most gracious man I know.  My heart swells at the thought of him.  I love that man more than anything except Jesus.  In the tense moments, I can count on him to quickly round the corner, apologize, and once again pursue my heart.

And those my friends, are the qualities that really matter.

My qualities I was looking for in a spouse were humility, honesty, and humor (okay and maybe handsome too).  I found him for sure.  He exceeds my expectations in all of the above.  I adore the man.

So back to overcoming, every couple of individual is always facing new giants in the land.  And the beauty and challenge of marriage is choosing to be together as you pass through the water.  Every relationship has different giants, ours won’t look the same as yours.

We are all gaining victory and taking lands through this process.  We are all being prepared for things beyond our wildest dreams.  We are all fighting to gain freedom in a new area.  If we aren’t we should take a good look at our life and make sure that we are actually moving forward!

If you are single, let me encourage you by saying, everything doesn’t fall into place at the pronouncement of “mr and mrs …”  It’s a whole new season of learning to overcome and grow in faith, and daily choosing to fight together for the new lands.  But don’t lose hope, “He withholds no good thing” (Psalm 84:11).  And marriage is a very good thing!

If you are married, more than likely you have way more experience at this than me, but please allow me to encourage you to cling to your spouse in the battles to overcome.  Be it wanting a baby and not seeing that reality,  having more babies that you feel like you can handle, stressful finances, a big transition, a challenging teenager, lack of communication, frustrating expectations, whatever it may be, chose the journey together and allow it to bring you closer.  There is a call and a destiny on your union.  Re-commit to overcoming the obstacles together.  “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor” Ecclesiastes 4:9

Happy Saturday!


What God’s Word Says About Marriage


Today I am posting a guest essay written by husband.  I’ll give you a bit of background on this for it’s a story worth retelling.  I am the baby of four kids, and have a southern dad who takes his role as protector with utmost seriousness.  So when I came home in June and introduced him to the man I wanted to marry he had some “requirements” so to speak.

Chuck and dad went out for breakfast and he let dad know his intentions with me.  While they were away I shared the girly version of our story with mom.  She loved it.  So when dad came in and stated that he was requiring Chuck to

A. List out the ten reasons why he wanted to marry me,

B. Write a biblical one page essay on his view of marriage,

before dad would give his blessing.  We giggled a little.  It seemed a bit intense in the moment, but now I find it quite endearing.  I have a dad who knows my value, and wanted to make sure this man knew it as well!  I have a great dad.

Thankfully, I have a great man as well who was more than willing to comply.

Chuck used the ten reasons he wanted me to be his wife in his proposal.  (Yep, it paid off for him as well!)

BUT, I didn’t read his essay till this morning, and thought it’d be fun to share with you as well.  So here it is…

What God’s Word Says About Marriage 

by Chuck Maher

“We live in an age where much of the western world has devalued the covenant of marriage, deeming it less than sacred. To many, it is an old fashioned formality at best. However, those who hold fast to the sacred scriptures and believe The Bible to be the perfect, divinely inspired word of God, marriage is part of God’s perfect plan for mankind. Marriage is one of God’s gifts to humanity.

After God created the first man He said, “It is not good for man to be alone; I will make a helper comparable to him.” (Genesis 2:18, NKJV). God did so by taking one of Adam’s ribs from him and using that rib to create women (see Genesis 2:21-22). When God presented the women to Adam he said, “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of man” (vs 23). The Bible goes on to say, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (vs 24). When a man and women become married, they are no longer two, but the two have become one.

God’s covenant of marriage is not to be taken lightly. When a man and women get married, they should remember that they are not only making a commitment before people, but also before God Himself. Marriage is a joining together of a man and women for as long as they both shall live. And divorce is not God’s desire for any married couple (See Matthew 19:4-6). Therefore, lifelong commitment to each other is vital to every married couple. God also desires that marriage is the environment in which children are raised (see Malachi 2:14-15).

For Christians, God’s instruction is that believers only be married to another believer. If a Christian marries an unbeliever they become what the Bible calls “unequally yoked” (see 2 Corinthians 6:14). And man is to have only one wife, and a women one husband. The Bible also teaches that marriage is meant to be between a man and women only, and never between those of the same sex (see 1 Cor.6:9-10, Leviticus 18:22). This should be obvious by the fact that it takes a man and a women to procreate. Same sex marriage is both unnatural and unbiblical.

Marriage is sacred and holy, but it is also a gift that’s meant to be enjoyed. It is a union that’s designed to benefit us spiritually, emotionally and physically. And romance is a very important part of marriage (see Song of Solomon). Marriage is so close to the Lord’s heart that he used it as a picture to describe Christ’s relationship with His church (see Ephesians 5:22-33). In the same way that Christ is the head of the church, the husband is meant to lead in the marriage relationship. And, the wife is called to submit to her husband (see Ephesians 5:23-24). However, this only works properly when husbands love their wives with the same sacrificial love that Christ has for the church (see vs 25).”

In case you are wondering, dad has now fully embraced Chuck.  We knew this for certain when they were at my dad’s tree farm in August and he started calling him “Chucker”.

One thing I’ve learned is that marriage is a transition for everyone in the family, not just us. It’s been a bit of an unexpected journey, but it’s moving forward, and worth it all.

I hope this blesses you today!